دو تا ایراد داره که میذارم به عهدهی خودتوناگه نتونستین خودم اصلاحش میکنم اول اینکه مصراع سومتون چند هجا کم داره... چند بار بخونین میفهمین کوتاهتر از بقیسدوم هم اینکه گریان و تابان هم قافیه نمیشن چون «ان» شون هر دو قید سازه و تکراریه
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